Jokes You’ll Only Get If You’re a James Bond Fan


James Bond has been around since the early 1960s, and in that time there have been 12 actors portraying him in 23 different films, not counting the unofficial parodies. But while James Bond’s humor isn’t as slapsticky as Austin Powers or as wacky as Johnny English, he still manages to be funny on occasion. Sometimes you have to be a 007 superfan to get the joke though! Let’s take a look at ten jokes you’ll only get if you’re a James Bond fan

Of course, there are jokes
1. Why doesn’t James Bond have an iPhone? He prefers the Q Branch equivalent of gadgetry.
2. What would happen if you took one of his gadgets apart? It would be impossible to put back together again!


Many people think that one of the funniest scenes in any James Bond movie is when he meets a woman on an airplane and has to go through all his cool moves in order to get her to sleep with him. Shaken not stirred has become synonymous with the idea of coolness for many people, but this scene was based off a joke in Goldfinger.

The Spy Who Loved Me

In The Spy Who Loved Me, Goldfinger’s well-known line, No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die, has become iconic. Other standouts include when Pussy Galore says she doesn’t like ice cream and Bond responds that she must be very austere in her tastes, as well as the bit when we learn that Pussy’s blouse costs two weeks of MI6 paychecks.

For Your Eyes Only

Seeing Daniel Craig as the latest James Bond movie premiered was such an emotional rollercoaster. I was happy he picked up the mantle but sad because it meant someone else’s tenure with the role had come to an end. What are some of your favorite 007 jokes?
1) It’s not that difficult to fake being you. All one needs is a good quality wig and maybe some contact lenses, and then its easy! Plus, your enemies will never see it coming!

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

This 1969 film has Sean Connery as James Bond. He finds out that an organization he is working for, called The Group, had plans to initiate the end of the world through biological warfare and force others to solve their economic and political problems. The movie is mostly set in Switzerland. There are several ski sequences which would make this one of the most realistic films if it weren’t for his ability to turn invisible at will or shoot laser beams from his eyes!

Diamonds Are Forever

In a moment of temporary insanity, I once said that broccoli was my favorite vegetable. I have since regretted it.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
You couldn’t fool me with those daggers in your eyes!


1. Do you know the difference between a dead octopus and one that’s just pretending? – I don’t, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.

Never Say Never Again

Throughout the 007 movies, there are many different Bond quips. In Never Say Never Again, Connery cracks some jokes including: I don’t mind if you want to smoke – but I’m warning you, it won’t make any difference to me and An American-built car? That’s almost as bad as owning one.

The Living Daylights

After your mother’s profession, I’m not surprised you find these comments insulting. – And what is your profession? – I’m an environmental specialist. – You look more like an iced lolly man to me (said while looking at the stranger’s chest).

Tomorrow Never Dies

What’s the difference between a duck? A horse and dog put together? Impossible! That’s from Octopussy. There was also this one from The Living Daylights: What do you get if you cross an elephant with an anteater? ANTECLASSIC. Now that joke makes sense, doesn’t it?



— This is me (a real person) playing with AI to generate blog posts, sorry.

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